Ah, the Grammys … a magical night, full of stars, songs and swagger — plus a few awards and performances, too. The biggest names in music have flocked to the Staples Center in Los Angeles, and after a few hours spent walking the red carpet, they’ve taken their seats and are ready for the big show to begin.
And it promises to be a pretty interesting show, for sure. Because, for the first time in years, there’s plenty of drama tonight: Can Lil Wayne win Album of the Year (and how will he manage to keep his tuxedo pants up?), or will Grammy-faves like Coldplay or Alison Krauss and Robert Plant swoop in and steal the night’s biggest award? will one stage be big enough to contain all the swagger in the “Swagga Like Us” performance? Can the Jonas Brothers take Best New Artist? What do surprise presenters Blink-182 and Green Day have in store for us? And–most importantly–will Thom Yorke wear Gucci or Prada (or just some free-trade, hemp sweatpants?)
All will be answered as the evening unfolds … and I’ll be here with you, live blogging it all from the comfort of my office at MTV’s Times Square HQ (we have free coffee!) So sit back, relax, and let the Grammy Magic begin.
8:00 We’re LIVE! from the Staples Center in Los Angeles (where there’s always a boat show next door — sorry, LA joke) for the 51st Annual Grammy Awards! just to get you up to speed on what’s happened so far … Lil Wayne, Coldplay, Radiohead, Kanye and Jay-Z all won Grammys during the pre-televised award ceremony (the Kings of Leon, the Mars Volta, Adele and Duffy did too), and neither Chris Brown or Rihanna will be attending the show tonight, due to either a car crash or a possible felony assault.
8:07 U2 kick things off with a performance of their new single “Put on your Boots.” Bono removes his shades–is he wearing mascara?!?!–and then announces Whitney Houston! she gets a standing ovation (and shows off some leg, too) then announces the nominees for Best R&B album … very. very. slowly. seriously. this. is. taking. forever. Jennifer Hudson wins Best R&B album. she fights back the tears and thanks “God who has brought me through, and my family in heaven.”
8:11 The Rock cuts a mean promo (just like his WWF DAYS! Can’t wait for the People’s Elbow!) and then tosses to Justin Timberlake, who makes a terrible pun about a general store (crickets … crickets) and intros Boyz II Men, Keith Urban and Al Green. Oh, and he performs with them, too (JT can do everything!). this goes on for a while …
8:16 Our first commercial break! My first coffee break!
8:27 We’re back! That dude from “The Mentalist” intros Coldplay … AND JAY-Z! he and Chris Martin do their “Lost” duet, and then we’ve officially gone medley as the rest of the band join them (not Jay, he left already), for “Viva La Vida.” it bears mentioning that Coldplay’s outfits are now color-coordinated and make them look like foot soldiers in the Fruit Stripe Gum army. Martin has “42″ written on his shirt. perhaps he’s a big fan of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy.”
8:40 a bunch of Country artists win a bunch of awards! and I’m having technical difficulties, as required by law.
8:42 Coldplay win song of the year! I believe I called this one or something. and will Champion actually acknowledges the fact that their outfits are Sgt. Pepper rip offs! Finally! Our long national nightmare is over!
8:44 Speaking of national nightmares, ladies and gentlemen … Kid Rock!!! He’s rasping his way through something, then launches into “All Summer Long.” One of his guitarists (Rock has about 143 of them on stage at this point) is wearing a gigantic floppy hat that makes him/her look like Erykah Badu.
8:50 Given the whole “possible felony assault” thing, this Chris Brown Doublemint Gum commercial is sort of weird now …
8:55 The guitarists and upright bass dudes don’t even get to share the stage with Miley and Taylor during their performance. Poor dudes. Oh, and Miley is totally waiving at people while Taylor is singing.
8:57 Alison Krauss and Robert Plant win Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals. Plant grabs Krauss and looks like he’s about to swallow her face … but, at the last minute, he decides against it. Dig that sexual tension! Oh, and apparently Laura Bush is sitting behind them. or her clone is.
9:03 Jennifer Hudson. Wow … just … wow.
9:10 Jason Mraz and some jazzed-up soccer mom introduce the Jonas Brothers … and Stevie wonder?!?! looks like Stevie’s caught Auto-Tune Fever, too (or is that a Vocoder?) no, wait, he’s channeling Peter Frampton! this is surprisingly good.
9:12 Uh oh, now they’re doing “Superstition.” Nick Jonas asks Stevie for permission before taking a verse. good idea. Nick is acting all sexxxual now. I think that was Nick, at least. I am old.
9:15 Blink-182 are out! and they announce they’re reforming! My inner 15 year old is doing backflips right now. seriously. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
9:24 Craig Ferguson announces “Lesbians are awesome!” while introducing Katy Perry (uh, Craig, Katy’s not gay …) Perry’s performance is a little Carmen Miranda, a little Madonna — as in, her back-up dancers are wearing Material Girl (circa “Vogue”) pant suits, she’s wearing a fruit salad dress. Perry also yells “WOOO!” a lot and spends the majority of the performance bouncing around the stage. this was, uh … something …
9:30 Aaaaand Best New Artist goes to … Adele. she looks genuinely shocked to win. Kanye looks genuinely ticked to hand her the award. The Jonas Brothers look genuinely bemused.
9:37 Wait, Morgan Freeman and Kenny Chesney are friends?
9:42 Krauss and Plant’s “Please Read The Letter” (or, as presenter Natalie Cole puts it, “Please Read THIS Letter”) wins Record of the Year. seriously, I am batting .1000 in my Grammy picks this year. between them and Coldplay, this is shaping up to be a two-horse race for Album of the Year.
9:49 a super-pregnant M.I.a. does like three lines of “Paper Planes” before shifting into the much-discussed performance of “Swagga Like Us.” Jay, Kanye, Wayne and T.I. strut their way through a mean performance, though it must be pointed out that, thanks to his hair, Kanye is slowly morphing into the rapping version of Alfonso Ribiero.
10:04 Jack Black looks like he shed a “School of Rock” or two. also, he’s apparently married to Tanya Haden, which means he’s sort of related to Petra Haden, which makes my inner 15-year-old very jealous. Oh, and John Mayer won something. I think he’s required by Grammy bylaw to do so.
10:09 I know nothing about Sugarland, but that girl can sing. Second-best vocal performance of the night, behind J. Hudson. Oh, and then she and Adele duet on “Chasing Pavements,” and it’s pretty good too. Actual talent! At the Grammys, even!
10:14 Oh, her name is Jennifer Nettles, BTW.
10:18 Once, on an airplane, I watched an episode of “The New Adventures of old Christine” with the sound off. Somehow, I think it was better that way.
10:19 Gwennie is out to introduce Radiohead … and the USC marching band!!! and they’re doing “15 Step.” EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. this is pretty great — with the band, it sounds like some pepped up version of “The National Anthem” or “Life In a Glass House” — though I’d be lying if I said Thom Yorke’s feathery hair wasn’t distracting me a bit right now. seriously, he looks like Clay Aiken.
10:30 T.I. and Samuel L. Jackson’s buddy, Justin Timberlake, take the stage together … JT plays piano. it would be awesome if T.I. climbed on top of it and vamped around like Michelle Pfeiffer in “The Fabulous Baker Boys.” Sorry, my brain is starting to dissolve. there is much trilling of strings and wailing of guitars.
10:35 Uh oh — it’s Recording Academy president Neil Portnow, and he’s trying to steal some of Barack Obama’s thunder in his “rah-rah” keynoye, even going so far as taking his “Yes We Can” line. Apparently Neil is okay with piracy when it comes to speeches.
10:47 OH, IT’S NEIL DIAMOND TIME!!!! HANDS!!! TOUCHING HANDS!!!!
10:48 REACHING OUT!!!! TOUCHING ME!!!!!! TOUCHING YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!
10:49 Sufficed to say, we’ve all been DIAMONDIZED … btw, weird choice by the producers to go from a rousing version of “Sweet Caroline” directly into the “In Memoriam” portion of the show. Awkward.
11:02 Lil Wayne and Allen Toussaint and Robin Thicke are out for version of “Tie My Hands.” It’s nice and all, but I’m sort of bummed Weezy didn’t come out with the guitar and just practice his finger-tapping for an hour. That would’ve been awesome. We do, however, get the Dirty Dozen Brass Band. AND Terence Blanchard. this reminds me of one of those “Mardi Gras Nights” they used to throw at Universal Studios Orlando.
11:10 will.I.Am and T. Pain have a Wacky Hat Competition. We all lose.
11:11 Wayne’s Tha Carter III wins Best Rap Album. he thanks God, New Orleans, and all the fans. Apparently, he wants to get out of here just as much as the rest of us.
11:13 Apparently, we are entering the home stretch … Album of the Year is up next. which is a good thing, because my hands are about to fall off. Live blogging is tough work. BTW, is that Jim Halpert’s voice in the BlackBerry commercials?
11:18 Apparently, I was lied to … rather than AOTY, we get Zooey Deschanel introducing Krauss and Plant (not that I’m complaining). T-Bone Burnett is playing guitar with them. he looks like he’s about seven-feet tall. seriously, he’s the tallest dude here. I bet he can dunk.
11:23 and then Green Day take the stage to announce the night’s final award. BTW, the announcer says their new album is called “21st Century Breakdown.” Huh, good to know. anyway … Krauss and Plant win Album of the Year. D’oh! I was one Coldplay from going 10-for-10 in my Grammy pool this year.
11:27 Robert Plant prattles on while the house band attempts to play him off. this thing is three-and-a-half hours old at this point, what’s two more minutes?!? Oh, just to further thrill the septaugenarians in the room, Stevie wonder returns to plays us out. great way to end the night! Actually, who am I kidding? it’s a strangely perfect, totally Grammy way to wrap things up. you can always count on the Academy!
11:32 Still, we got Wayne, we got M.I.a. and “Swagga Like Us.” We got a reunited Blink-182. All-in-all, that’s not too bad of a night, when you think about it. thanks for staying up late … now, get some sleep! It’s waaaay past your’s–and Robert Plant’s–bed time.